Damnit you’re right. I even looked at the picture in the article. And it’s like the first sentence.

The Finland conspiracy states that Finland is not a real country. Not only is it not a real country but there is actually no landmass there at all, and the space between Sweden and Russia is actually empty ocean.

Now I realize that this notion seems ridiculous but that is why the conspiracy works, and why people are afraid to speak out against the existence of Finland, so I would ask you to approach the evidence I put forward here with an open mind.

Finland was first created some time during the Cold War between Russia and the West. It was also around this time that environmentalism and the idea of preserving our planet was really taking off, and it is due to both of those things that two of the main players in the Finland conspiracy came to work closely with each other, Russia and Japan.

Japan-Soviet relations had always been shaky at best, but also incredibly secretive. Even as early as 1925 Japan and the Soviet Union had secret deals with each other regarding fishing rights between the two countries, with the Soviet Union giving up much of it’s fishing rights to Japan with seemingly no explanation as to why.

These secretive treaties and alliances continued right up until just before the fall of the Soviet Union, Gorbachev made trips to Japan months before the fall of the Soviet Union stating the entire time how the relations between them were improving, even when Soviet relations with the rest of the world were worsening.

In fact the entire past 100 years of Japanese-Russian relations bring up many unanswered questioned.

Why at the height of WW2, were the battles between these two countries minimal despite being on opposing sides?

Why did Japan sign a peace treaty with Russia in 1941, just months before their allies, Germany, went to war with Russia?

Why were relations between Japan and Russia always good throughout the Cold War, despite the major geopolitical differences between the countries, and close geographical positions that you think would cause tensions?

The answer is simple, they shared a common secret. A common asset that worked in both of their favours. And that asset was Finland.

It’s unclear when Finland was first thought up, some say it was during the Cold War, and others say it was as far back as the 1920’s, but the necessity of Finland is quite simple.

Japan can fish in the region of ocean between Sweden and Russia without worry for environmental repercussions, after all, nobody’s going to expect fishing regulations to be broken in a place where everyone thinks there’s a landmass will they? And in return Russia get a percentage of the fish to distribute amongst their populace.

It’s a simple case of fishing the Finnish Sea, transporting it across Russia, (that was the real reason for the construction of the Trans-Siberian railway by the way), and then shipping it from the Eastern Russian coast to Japan under the disguise of ‘Nokia’ products.

This is why Nokia is the largest ‘Finnish’ company, and it is also why Japan is the largest importer of Nokia products, despite the fact that very few people own Nokia phones in the country.

There are clearly some unanswered questions to this conspiracy that I’ll try and address below.

1- What about Finnish people? Are they all in on the conspiracy?

A. No. People from Finland genuinely believe they’re from Finland. In reality they are from small towns on either the Eastern part of Sweden, the Western part of Russia, or the Northern part of Estonia.

2- What about all of Finland’s other exports other than Nokia?

A. Finland’s three biggest, and three most well known areas of industry are Oil, Tech, and Software. The oil is gathered in offshore platforms where the rest of us believe the landmass of Finland is, (again the Japanese get to avoid rigging regulations in this respect), the Tech companies have already been explained above with the Nokia post, and Software companies can easily redirect their IP Address through the Finnish sea. As for other Finnish exports, well, claiming Santa comes from your country isn’t a viable way to get people to believe in it.

3- What about Helsinki? That is an enormous city on the world stage.

A. Helsinki is located in Eastern Sweden. It’s not like the people flying there would notice.

4- What about everywhere else in Finland? There’s a lot to it and it couldn’t all be made up.

A. 99% of Finland is forest. A lot of it doesn’t need to be accounted for when addressing Finnish geography.

5- Why do other countries go

Especially if it’s their parents forcing them to go, which I expect has to be some statistically significant percentage of these poor kids.