32, f. Are there any dating sites that are actually free and don't suddenly force me to pay to actually use the site?
from frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world on 03 Jul 22:13
https://lemmings.world/post/29547247
from frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world on 03 Jul 22:13
https://lemmings.world/post/29547247
I prefer web over app. I tried a site which was said to be free. signup was fine so i started to use the site only to realise to see my matches or start chats i had to pay for a “premium” account or something. that really annoys me and it’s a waste of my time so does anyone know any good dating sites which are actually free, as in i don’t have to pay to use the site for what it should be used for? thx in advance 👍
oh and I’m looking for men, forgot to specify lol
#nostupidquestions
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Orrrrrr, alternative option…how about we go watch fireworks tomorrow? It’ll be a date. We’ll grab some food, and then go see the new Jurassic Park movie, and then go see the fireworks!
Uhhhhh, just be in Cleveland tomorrow at 5pm. Just, anywhere in Cleveland. I’ll find you by roaming the city and yelling “YOU SINGLE??? HEY!!! YOU SINGLE???” at every woman I see on the street. I’m sure I’ll find you EVENTUALLY!
Just don’t stop in East Cleveland. That is a seperate city, and we in Cleveland don’t recognize them as anything more than an active war zone. You WILL die if you stop there.
Soooooo, what are you thinking? Drinks? Yay or nay? Aw who am I kidding??? OBVIOUSLY we’re going to drink!!! This city is BUILT on alcoholics!!!
…wha? Where are you going??? Come back!!! I haven’t even shown you our massive free stamp!!! Thats not a penis euphanism! We really do have a massive free stamp here!
what
It’s called flirting, and I’m quite good at it! Who could resist the Cleveland perogis? Again, not a sex euphanism. We have a strong polish population, and thus perogis are popular here.
Just don't drop your Cleveland pierogis through a Chicago sunroof.
Cool free stamp!
I’m now imagining an accidental Lemmy meet up in the streets of Cleveland tomorrow, organized by people shouting “HEY!! YOU SINGLE??”
With the very big caveat that I’m 15 years out of date, you might see if OKCupid or Plenty O Fish are still around.
I would check for you but I’d rather not cause my wife to worry. I met her on OKCupid. If I remember correctly, searching was free but messages always were a paid service regardless of platform.
OkCupid was amazing 15 years ago, but it’s pretty shit now. For what OP is looking for, it’s probably still the best option, but it’s a very low bar.
OP, if you want to check out OkCupid, message me. I can set you up with a couple of browser scripts I wrote to improve the website experience. One will show you your matches’ photos. You won’t be able to view their profiles, but people that like you will generally show up in the profiles you’re shown pretty quickly, so it’s easy to find them. The other will need to be slightly tailored to you if you want to use it, but it will automatically skip any profiles that are showing to you that don’t meet your minimum requirements, and even alert you if one of them liked you instead of just skipping it, just in case you’d like to give it a closer look before you make a final decision.
Edit: Based on my experience the last time I was on the apps, the best one was Hinge, but I’ve been off of them for a year now. It’s also entirely app based.
Hinge won’t even show a landing page with “privacy enabled”
Agreed, OkC used to be quite all right but they took away so much of what made it unique.
I would be interested in such scripts. Why not share them here? 🙏
Well, shit. I pulled out my laptop to grab the scripts and it looks like the extension was updated and it wiped them out. I didn’t have them backed up anywhere else, so I guess their gone unless I find myself back on the apps again (please, god, no…).
Messaging used to be free on OKC too. Paid stuff was only better search placement, maybe seeing your matches immediately, etc. No idea about now, I was also found by my wife there over a decade ago.
Yeah, Match.com isn’t satisfied until everyone is miserable.
It’s weird to think about how dominantly successful any app that took a principled position and resisted enshittification starting in 2010 would be now.
Honestly, apps (web included) in 2025 are just profit farming. It will be hard to get anything substantial from the experience.
Best suggestion is avoid OLD and just meet people in person. Get a hobby and attend things and eventually you will find like minded people.
Things like rock climbing, board games, cycling, etc. Hobbies that have places you go to and do a thing.
Sorry I don’t have any better suggestions 🤷♂️
I hate to be a downer, but…
Building, running and maintaining a website isn’t free. Building, running and maintaining a popular website is fucking expensive. Somebody’s got to pay those bills.
As the saying goes, if it’s free, you’re not the customer, you’re the product. Corollary, if it’s not free, you still might be the product.
Furthermore, these days I would assume that 99.9% of profiles on a “free” dating site are scammers, or bots, or scammer bots, many of which are probably run by the people running the website.
And to double down on the downerism, subscription based dating sites/apps are financially motivated to keep you paying for as long as possible. They are not motivated to help you find a match, cancel your subscription, and live happily ever after.
In an attempt to not be a total downer jerk, my suggestion would be to find local meetup groups that interest you (even if just barely) and start going to those consistently.
That’s how I met my spouse almost 14 years ago. We were both on the dating apps but not finding each other. Eventually we met through a meetup group that I ran, and after months of casually chatting occasionally at group meetings, sparks spontaneously started flying. 🤷
While I understand what you’re saying, Okcupid was way better before match group bought it. They could make money and still have a useful website.
Sometimes it’s simply greed. :(
okcupid is what i used, but it was back before COVID
I went on quite a few dates on Bumble & Tinder, which have pay options, but you don’t HAVE to pay.
Facebook dating seemed a little higher quality (somehow).
Please create a good profile that has: Some of your own words, at LEAST three RECENT pics, and NO fish pics. It didn’t work for me, but good luck!
thx! are you able to chat/message people without a paywall?
Yes, but you won’t be able to view who swiped on you, so you can only chat if you both swipe right.
I didn’t pay and used bumble three years ago and found my wife that way. She had, however, paid for a membership for some of the extra perks it gives you, so dunno if we would have matched otherwise.
Are you referring to fishing or phishing?
Guy holding fish he caught pic. I get it you don’t take a lot of pictures and that was one you had. Put in some effort and go take some damn pics.
I think the way you’re supposed to do it now is to post one of the JD Vance memes into c/196 and try DMing the first person who comments. Rinse and repeat until the desired outcome is achieved.
Germans skip to ich_iel.
French to !rance@jlai.lu
Heck, are there dating sites that work at all anymore? Over a decade ago I had some success with OkCupid but my impression is that ever since swipe apps became a thing, online dating went from bad to terrible for everyone except gay men looking for hookups. Now I might have to go low-tech and ask my grandma to introduce me to her friends’ single granddaughters…
If any work it's a bug. "Dating" apps don't want to be dating apps, they want to be hookup apps because that's how they can keep repeat customers.
The only way dating apps would remain dating apps under for profit companies is if they found a way to charge a subscription for long term relationships.
Ugh, the “swipe” is the worst feature for every company to jump on. I get paralyzed between, “What if they just took a bad picture? I don’t know enough about them and dismissing them for a bad photo could mean missing out,” and “What if I’m swiping right on a creep and don’t realize it? Now they’ll know my picture, my name, where I live, and they’ll think I’m definitely interested.”
I haven’t used it in a couple years, but I did meet my current boyfriend on OK Cupid. I’m poly, and I met my girlfriend last year on a queer dating/social app called Lex. The cool thing with Lex is that it’s text-based, originally modeled off of old newspaper classified ads. You get to know people through them voicing their thoughts and asking original questions. No pressure to “swipe or get off the pot,” you can get to know someone through comments on posts before sending a message. It’s a smaller community (as expected for queer folk) so I don’t know how popular it is outside of highly populated areas. It’s not for everyone, but if you’re in the LGBTQ+ community and sick of being forced to make snap-judgements about strangers who might end up being a massive part of your life, it’s a relief.
Alovoa is free and opensource.
Its the only one i know that isn’t out to make money
But you can’t self-host it??? Blaspheme! /s
Just kidding, nice to know there’s something out there.
There’s also Duolicious which is similarly free and without ads but there was literally no one within a hundred miles of me and most of the people using it were about half my age so it felt fruitless to pursue.
EDIT: same with Alovoa… nobody within 100 miles…
I looked into this not too long ago. Got them to share their user profile numbers - 50k - but I’ve a strong feeling that the majority of those are dummy test profiles.
I guess mine was. I wanted to try it out, but I’m not willing to give away that much of my privacy to any website so it was pretty useless. There was literally nothing: fill out a form and I guess there are supposed to be emails of responses. I live in a major metropolitan area and never got any, but I refused to give details so that’s not a surprise.
I just thought there’d be something to see before I committed my privacy
From my understanding (and experience) dating apps/online dating in general is dead, fucked up beyond repair by capitalism, toxic incels, predators, scammers, crooks and most recently AI. No technology can possibly survive such an onslaught and most of them wouldn’t profit from doing so. They have a financial incentive to attract repeat customers.
In person meeting and dating should be the obvious alternative, but apparently nobody goes out socializing anymore since COVID and nobody can afford hobbies because of the economy and chronic social malaise and terminal online doomscrolling has broken people’s ability to form human connection anyway so I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly.
If there is a useful option I’d love to know what it is too.
Probably for the best…
My coworker met someone on Hinge, I think it was, just a year ago and they’re moving in together.
Not trying to say it’s easy but I don’t think it’s useless.
You can always find outliers. That doesn’t mean playing the loto isn’t useless.
Found my partner on Hinge as well, so it kind of per definition isn’t useless. That being said, I don’t think one should invest too much time and energy into it since online dating can be incredibly emotionally and mentally draining.
A friend of mine also found their long-term partner on Hinge. Dating apps are kinda dead, but if you’re looking for something other than hookups, it seems like Hinge is one of the better options.
Someone’s probably trying to stop that already, in a way. Low(er) sentences for rape and abortion bans. Maybe will be followed by something else, like decreasing age of consent. Or banning things like hysterectomy, salpingectomy, vasectomy.
All the good solutions /s
Go to protests. Meet cool people.
Meet unemployed people.
I’ve been to protests. I’m employed.
I have also been to a few protests while employed. I have organized protests and got laid by activists while unemployed.
Yeah you can’t really talk though.
DaveCat has it right. <img alt="" src="https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/fd24f39d-55f8-4d6a-9d0d-e813a928319d.jpeg">
Thank you for writing exactly what I was thinking.
I heard that Japan is starting to implement a government sponsored/made matchmaking app. The core advantage is that the intention of the platform is to actually match people and make people have babies. Plus, if someone is being naughty, the penalties can be much higher than a simple account ban.
I believe most apps can be used for free… to an extent. Just like mobile games they can very much be pay to win with many QoL features locked behind a subscription. I know you prefer web, so I’m mostly thinking of apps that also have a web interface. I’m also a woman and a similar age as you; I’ve given up on dating sites and apps to meet people. I do have friends that have had decent success with Bumble, Hinge (no web interface), and Boo. I’ve not looked into the full web-based ones in a long time, but even then I remember them being very limited without a subscription; I can’t imagine that’s changed. Best of luck girl 🩷 Online dating is a complete drain!
What differentiates a dating site from something like Lemmy? The secret matching algorithm?
I thought I found a match on Lemmy but it turns out she wasn’t interested in anything committed, as she was messaging a lot of other Lemmings and getting close to them too. I confronted her about it but she tried to cover her tracks by changing accounts, repeatedly. I know you’re out there somewhere Nicole, and I forgive you, we just wanted different things.
lmao, The Fediverse Chick!
I got through the first half and was thinking to ask if it was Nicole you were talking about. NGL, you had me.
You could definitely use lemmy for dating if you wanted to. But dating apps offer eg. geographic filtering and (at least should!) do a much better job of guiding users to make meaningful profiles. Lemmy has no need for such.
Plentyoffish mostly stinks but still has a free tier where you can message one person a day.
Also, on the page where you look at people who have viewed/liked you, the photos are blurred but if you use the Web Developer Inspection Tool you can see the unblurred photo:
Right click on one of the images of who you want to see and in the dropdown menu click “Inspect”:
<img alt="" src="https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/pictrs/image/9ce3d7dd-0db6-4f8e-af0b-ee8399fac038.webp">
The Web Developer tools will pop up and should auto-locate you to the image in question. In Firefox you can just hover over the image location and view a preview of the image. You can also right click on the image location and “Open Link in New Tab” to view it.
<img alt="" src="https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/pictrs/image/afaeabae-1396-49aa-97c1-de0d6ecaa0b2.webp">
From here, you can usually find them in your list of potential matches, in your “meet me” swipes, or in the recently online list. This way, if someone swipes right on you, you can find them without paying and can decide to match or message.
Cheers and good luck!
tysm! I’ll try it out!!
You’re welcome, I’ve just actually been waiting on an opportunity to share this info lmao
I wish most other sites didn’t patch out this method :-(
The model necessitates that they restrict your access in crummy ways or they wouldn’t be solvant. I met my partner on Hinge but I was paying to be able to reach people. Glad to be done with those apps.
A friend of mine met her now husband and father of her child on the free tier of Plenty Of Fish. That was a decade ago though. I’m not sure if the service has degraded since.
Yeah it’s a known thing that match bought all the dating sites and turned them in to tinder and made the algorithm to not to help you find someone but just keep you on the site. So they just watch your patterns to keep you searching and give you just enough hope so you don’t leave / stop paying.
The question i have is not even about dating but just making IRL friends. Stuff like meet-up is full of scams and professional networking. Where what I’m looking for is a site where I can find people that share my hobbies/interests.
They are doing an awful job of it, if that is the case. Most of my last few relationships, serious and casual alike, were from tinder, and those few that weren’t, were surprisingly enough, from jodel. But tinder has been the cultural standard here for a longish while now, and most everyone I know, friends and acquaintances, have met their partners from there. And after passing 30, not many are single anymore, and only very few in casual/serial relationships. So most are in stable committed relationships, of which most were from tinder.
Personally I never spent any money there and I don’t know any that have (though they could just be omitting it or it never just came up, I digress), yet I don’t really know many single people anymore either thanks to it.
So if their intention is keeping people searching, they really make it way too convenient and nice an experience to meet people and fall in love.
Could this maybe be a thing that EU somehow makes better here, versus e.g the US that I can sadly imagine would actually give all the tools for the companies to actively make it an eternal search… it feels to me it’s too good an experience for most I know for our experience to be the outlier. Why would people use it anyway, if it didn’t work?
Jodel? The app used exclusively by my coworkers to post memes about their job, and seemingly not much else?
Well, it’s been a few years now, but there used to be a fairly active hookup scene in this town, though that wasn’t my scene. It’s all things local at least here. Often people would just message you for various reasons, whatever you post, and sometimes it’d just lead to things once you chat a bit. I don’t think you could post memes or whatever back then, you could only take pictures with camera, couldn’t attach arbitrary images (e.g memes).
I’m struggling with finding this kind of culture home too. I feel like meetup used to have more events in my area—and I’m practically in the the city and near big metro area—but ever since pandemic, I have no clue where to find people. Not that I did before because I’ve been a shut-in for most of my life but hot damn, I feel like eventually I will just finally give up and show up to a board game/card game event even though I’m not good at them. I would love if there was a calligraphy type of group thing in my area but I digress.
Yeah im in a metro as well. It’s a challenge with just showing up for me is my disability makes people shy away from engaging with me. Like they are not mean or anything but they just don’t want to deal with the perceived awkwardness of interacting with someone who can’t walk unassisted.
Yeah this is a big thing. The abled person gaze is something else.
It’s called outside!
Joking aside, its fundamentally unlikely as if you’re not paying you’re the product and maintaining a dating network is a lot of work both in admin tasks, technical tasks and legal tasks.
A similar question was asked about 2 weeks ago; I was going to link to that but it was since deleted; so here’s a copy & paste of my reply instead. Note payment wasn’t raised in that discussion; my response to that would be: is potentially meeting people interested in dating you worth the fee (to me that answer was yes)? If a service provides value to me I’m happy to pay a reasonable amount.
A lot of negative comments. I went through a divorce last year (male, mid 40s), and used dating apps when I was ready to start meeting people. I was apprehensive going in but ended up shocked by how positive the results were. After a week or two I would have several matches and pause searching while I talked with those and planned in-person meetings. Most profiles you’ll never get a reply. Of those you match again, half likely never respond to initial introductions / questions. But, if you live in a major metro area there’s still plenty of people looking for relationships if you’re willing to filter through that. I’m now happily in a relationship for the past few months so I’ve stopped using these apps.
I tried 3: eHarmony, hinge, and bumble. Here’s my feedback from best to worse.
Hinge: encourages discussion as an initial match prompt. I met the most people on this app and many matches led to in person dates. Met the person I’m currently dating seriously on here.
Bumble: costs money to send a comment / question, free to “just swipe”. Kept showing me profiles for people currently within my search distance, but who have listed another major city as their home (I guess they’re connecting through the airport and on the app?). Went on multiple dates with matches, fewer than hinge.
eHarmony: where I originally met my previous wife ~20 years ago. Now had the fewest matches and worst experience (and highest cost). I stopped checking this one after about a month. Went on only 1 date.
Feedback from my matches about the app: many men are using it to find people to cheat with / aren’t serious about a relationship. All of them told me actually holding a conversation on the app put me in the “top tier” of their matches. Many shared that matches just gave super short answers then asked for a phone number. Several noted that half the time they shared a number they almost immediately received dick pics. Multiple said matches tried to get them into crypto (?!?!).
For me (busy work schedule, and still spend half my time with kids) the experience was far better than any dates friends or co workers suggested. The profiles are not super deep… Yes everyone loves live music, travel, and The Office. I wanted to connect over something more specific than that. At least the people you match with are also looking for a relationship. Meeting people through my hobbies at 40+ most are in long term relationships or not interested in starting one. The apps are largely superficial… Half the first dates I went on one or both of us decided not to have a second date. Which is honestly expected… Even after filtering through the profiles and messaging in app you still only know the basics for most people.
For you specifically: many matches took issue with the recent timing of my divorce. If you’re separated (not divorced) expect that to be a deal breaker for many.
Fasch Match is free. Even overwhelmingly loaded with CIS white male options.
Great question. Tried the paid thing (38f). Lots of decent (superficially) matches, none of whom shared my values or interest. It was a huge waste of money across apps.
I like OK Cupid. It works perfectly without paying and matches are better as they are based on questions you answer and profiles contain more info. So it’s less evaluating lifestock like Tinder.
There’s also Bumble, it used to be that the woman needs to start talking when matched within 24h otherwise the match disappears. This is so women won’t get spammed by loads of men. I heard they would change it, but I’m not sure if they actually did. It works fine without paying.
There’s Boo, which I think is mostly for autistic and introvert people. Works fine with the free version.
There’s Feeld, which works great without paying. The focus is mainly on sex, not so much relationship material imo.
Oooo… I’m gonna have to try this one.
I’m not a big fan though. It’s also a sort of social media. There are many people on there from Asia and Africa, cluttering the user base.
I had 3 matches which ended in extended conversations, but in all 3 cases (don’t know if it’s coincidence) they were trying to cheat on their partner. I’m poly, I don’t mind sharing, but cheating on someone is not going to happen with me.
About poly, OK Cupid has the option to say you’re monogamous, polyamorous (with account links possible) or open to either. So it’s a great app for finding poly people or focus on mono people without matching with the poly ones (saves a conversation)
Yeah… I have been on there since making that comment and just looking in a 40 mile radius, a majority of the profiles I am seeing are unvaccinated red hats. 😮💨
The idea is still nice, but… You’re still at the mercy of who is actually near enough to meet. And I live in dumbfuckville.
Sorry to say, but there’s no app available which creates better people in your town haha
Maybe move to a city?
OK Cupid has the option to set your location manually. You can check somewhere else if there’s someone nice. I hate this option, it clutters the app with Asian and African women wanting to meet someone abroad. But it may be nice for you to get better results.
Does make you stand out from the crowd if you’re not that though
Ok Cupid used to be kind that, but they completely butchered the question part of it, in my opinion it is no longer useful. Also as a white cis male you get spammed there by literally hundreds of accounts from the Philippines. Makes the whole thing useless in my opinion
Yeah that’s true. About 60% of the women I see are from Asia / Africa / South America.
I wish they would disable the custom location feature to solve this clutter.
I live in The Netherlands, there are enough people here on the app to make it worth while. It’s how I met my new partner.
It’s REALLY useful for travelling/migration. I made a penpal/IRL friend through there using this very feature. They should deal with it by reports and etc.
Yeah, that’s how I met my current partner. She lives in Portugal but had her location in my city. It does have benefits, but it also extremely clutters the app with gold diggers from the other side of the globe.
Congrats btw
OKC is basically 90% bots now. I have 100+ likes. None are from my area or even my country.
Do the bots at least use AI to chat? Because that’s going to be better than the one word answers I get from the real people.
Bumble did chenge that. Now the woman decides who has to start the convo once they match. You can also set some prompts for the other person to reply to.
I hate to say this but there are still interesting people on Reddit.
Get out.
Im a 40m divorcee and I am absolutely out of my depth thinking about dating.
I have looked at the apps and sites and they never go anywhere for me. No matches or conversations that go no where.
I sort of think that meeting someone will happen when it happens, but I really miss that excitement of learning all about someone and talking all night.
Im also interested in meeting someone outside of my country, because Id love to experience something new, but that makes me look like a scammer.
May the chances be in your favor, brother. 🤝
Dating sites are there to make money off of desperation. Matches are intentionally superficial or completely off base. They won’t give away a product that you are willing to pay for. Because then they lost two customers.
I never gave HER a dime but it was the platform I met my eventual wife on. However unless you’re looking to meet other ladies, it’s probably not the app for you.
I once had a date with a pole dancer off Her. I never mention it, constantly.
Yeah I should’ve specified I’m after guys lol I’ll edit my description
I tried HER years ago and left unimpressed. I found my partner of 5yrs on OkCupid though
OkCupid is a dead/dying site. It sounds like you specifically got off it just as it started its decline.
It’s probably not any worse than Tinder though. On account of match.com buying both…
At the time, OkC was more for people seeking relationships. I did hear they took all the good features out of it though. I had used Tinder for 5-6 years prior to that without any luck because it’s only for unicorns and people looking for a fling. Not sure how it is nowadays
I met my wife on OK cupid. 8 years ago though.
meetup.com
Meetup.com
I know, I know, but really, it’s better than any actual dating app.
As someone who used them for over a decade before giving up, I can assure you that dating websites are a complete and utter waste of time. You can’t even get a conversation started, let alone a date.
I highly recommend you do it the natural way: if you see someone you like, ask them out. You are a woman so this is extremely easy for you. Most men can’t even say “hi” to a woman in public, because there are so many shitty men out there harassing women that the good guys don’t even get a chance. So we’re often afraid to say anything because we don’t want women to assume that we’re one of them.You don’t have this problem, so ask away. You’d be surprised by how easily guys will say “yes”.
I’m sure there are some out there. But they won’t be any good.
Tinder, Hinge, Bumble. That’s what people are on. Maybe there is something else popular in your area - ask your friends. If you try to go somewhere else (unless you are trying to fit a specific niche like being gay or kinky or a farmer) then you will miss out on most of the online dating market. And spoiler: it will be the good part you are missing out on. The guys you want to match with aren’t making accounts on “random dating app lolz”, because there is no one there so it is a waste of time.