You could try bring an overactive listener. Ask a lot of questions “What does that mean?” “Can you give examples?” if you time them right, it’ll completely mess up his for when he’s monologuing.

Or, at the very least, you can have fun trying to see who can ask the stupidest question about Uncle Dave’s obsession.

Do not get together with family.

I am hosting a Friendsgiving at my business this year for friends. Other than my wife and kid’s, no family was invited. If I wanted to deal with them I would go to their thing.

Nov 4th elections.

Someone who becomes suicidal because you won’t listen to them rant is addicted to power and control. You’d ultimately be doing them a favor helping them wean themselves off it. You can’t be responsible for someone’s actions in this state. It’s a diametric opposite to, say, someone who is depressed/suicidal because they cannot afford food. They do not need you to listen to them. Tell them to fuck off.

Purchase a fanged grill and keep them in biting range. Only takes 2 chomps, at most, to start seeing big changes in their behavior.

Set alarms on your phone and pretend it’s phone calls from work, a friend in need, etc. Go hide in there bathroom and take a ten minute break.

Do you have allies in the family? Make a pact to take turns. Get them to lure you away on a pretense. Go help clean the kitchen.

If you can’t wiggle free, give yourself permission to switch off. You don’t have to fight every battle, you don’t need to set everything right. It’s amazing how long you can keep a conversation going if all you do is repeat the last thing they said to you back at them but you raise your tone at the end to turn it into a question. Make plans on how to compensate yourself for enduring this shit. Pat yourself on the back for maintaining peace in the face of adversity.

Nothing bores people more than showing them “a funny video” on YouTube. Or some really boring vacation pictures. Or have a non-controversial topic of your own and stubbornly steer conversation that way. Tell a story with no point. If you’re sitting in something comfy, like an armchair, pretend to fall asleep because you worked so hard. Praise the food and how good it was every time you’re biting your tongue and you really want to say fuck you.

It’s family, it’s the holidays. I’m not saying you should swallow all bullshit. But raise the bar in the interest of family peace. And remember that folks will blame the loudmouths, the ones who raised their voice more than necessary, and not the quiet one for any fracas.

None of these strategies will work by themselves. It’s the mix that does it. It’s better to go into the situation looking at it like a game you play. Not like: fuck! Uncle Bob is going to annoy me again. You have your armor on and uncle Bob can’t do shit.

Just politely say "I don't want to talk about that, let's talk about tv shows, what's your favorite comedy right now?" (Or whatever other mutually fun topic you want to talk about.) If he tries to keep talking about the topic just repeat that you're not gonna talk about that and offer a second new topic. If he still wants to keep talking about it say "alright I'm gonna go talk to someone else about a different topic, I'll catch you later", then walk away from him. If he gets sad because of that then it's not your fault or responsibility

Slap your knees , say “whelp…” then stand up and walk away.

Turn it into a drinking game with your cooler family members…like, “Every time uncle dan says something racist, take a drink”

Move to the other side of the continent.

Bring an airhorn and blast it every time they say something undesirable.

Or visably put in noise canceling headphones when they start talking.

greyrock that shit. they want to troll the libs, if you react to their fascist shit it’s giving them what they want.

And then goes into a weeks-long suicidal despair if you try to leave the conversation? Any way to deal with that?

It’s always easier said than done, but I don’t engage with people who use suicide as a threat or bring it up as a regular thing. It’s too exhausting. Life is just too short to deal with that. Not everybody deserves your nuance. Not everybody deserves your time. Especially if they just want to belittle you by saying they’re suicidal as a defense mechanism.

Be honest before inviting them, that if they behave that way they should stay away. Any suicidal ideation should be discussed with their psychiatrist. There is no shame in cutting ties with toxic people.

Eh, his invitation got lost in the mail?

I mean, it sounds like a joke, but I’m serious. Why are you inviting this person? Just because you happen to share some DNA does not mean you’re obligated to spend any time with them whatsoever. If you wouldn’t accept certain behavior from your chosen family/friends, then you don’t have to accept it from “real” family either.

I don’t talk with that part of ny family. As in, zero contact.

Earplugs, and alcohol from the start.

Fake musculo-skeletal injury - sprained ankle would do - where for rehab you have to get up and walk a few thousand steps in a row 2-3 times a day - gives you an excuse to beep your watch at any time and go out for a walk for medical reasons.

Honestly I’ve never had that issue.

One of my favourite things to do at a holiday get-together is hijack the TV with my MacBook. Most people think Apple stuff only talks to other Apple stuff in the Ecosystem/Walled Garden and that Android is some rebel front against Apple. Most people are also fucking stupid. If I’m on your WiFi and you have a smart TV, best believe I can take that shit over with like two clicks. My family has one of those TVs, I think it’s a Roku? where if you don’t watch anything, it goes to this city skyline screensaver with billboards advertising the streaming services it has? Like there’s a Netflix billboard, there’s a Disney+ one, you might even see one for Apple TV at some point. But it’s just a looping video. When I see that — nobody’s picking something — I pull out the MacBook, find a movie, and cast to it. Nobody questions why the TV did that without anyone touching the remote.

Last time, it was KPop Demon Hunters. Maybe a couple people assumed I had something to do with it, but within minutes, all the kids were occupied with it. By the second or third song, even the adults were singing along (I was playing the Sing-Along version). It was great. Might do it again. I can’t just put on anything. It has to hook a few people, which in turn draws others.

So, distraction.

Also, I sit at the kids’ table. They have far more interesting conversations. And there’s always some kid, almost always a girl, usually one around 7-12, who will tell me I don’t belong there. Like some little Philosopher’s Stone-year Hermione, some little know-it-all. I’ll wait until none of the other adults are looking, and she’ll catch a pea or a carrot slice to the face, look at me, and see my look of “I’ll do it again” on my face. That usually settles it. Once in a while it turns into a food fight, which I never get blamed for because I know when to stop.

We only do these whole-family get-togethers a few times a year. It’s usually a good time. But honestly, by the end of the day I just wanna take my pants off and wind down watching TV (at home I mean, and we don’t have kids so I don’t mean anything weird). Get tired of people after a while. Even the fun ones. But the time I gotta be there? I make it work for me.

Remove them from your life.

“can we talk about something else? How’s your pet doing btw?”

Some of you lack very basic communication skills.

Tell him loudly that he doesn’t know shit and to shut the fuck up. This is the year you let it all out. You’ve been building a dam of tolerance for this person, a dam which he’s been trying to undermine because he’s too fucking dumb to understand the extreme restraint you have shown against the potential flood right behind those walls.

Let him have it.

“If this is your entire personality it makes sense that the only place you have to talk about it is with people who think they have no choice but to invite you.”

“If you don’t learn how to read the room you may not be invited back into it.”

Set healthy boundaries.

“I don’t want to keep talking about this today.”

And then leave the room.

If they make suicidal threats.

“If you’re serious I’m going to have to call a welfare check.”

Don’t.

Just removing obligations, and even going no contact does wonders.

Guys I’m 43 and my generation is already turning the “fuck this shit” dial a bit. If you guys are younger than 35 please PLEASE turn it all the way up!
Your abusive uncle, your homophobic aunt, you shithead brother and your permissive parents FUCK THEM.

If you have to “deal with it” to spend time with people you love they don’t love you back.

edit: just want to add if someone needs to hear: They are not your universe. Being alone can be freeing and rebuilding your life can be easier than you think

you just don’t invite those people. if it’s out of your control, then you don’t engage

Buy your own house, host the events and when they start up threaten loudly to throw them out if they keep on spewing that racist shit in your house.

Damn that felt good. Best thing ever about owning your own home.

“How do I deal with friends or family members that are autistic?”

Well, one way is to try to actually understand them and where they’re coming from and what they’re really saying. Actually have the conversation and engage.

If you haven’t actually tried to do that, then this is 100% on you.

If you HAVE tried to, and actually cannot have a conversation, you still have choices. You could hold a side conversation with somebody else. You could leave the space. You could try to out-compete them in talking over you, if that’s the case, and hold your ground. You could also just stand up, and give them a hug and tell them it’s gonna be okay, as a lot of people just come from a place of fear.

However, something about your wording and perspective leads me to believe you are not the type of person who can rise to an occasion and converse with difficult subjects with upset people, or have the emotional fortitude to deal with a neurodivergent person. Have you thought about maybe just not inviting them, or just avoiding them, altogether? Because being passive aggressive like you seem isn’t the way. Even if, in your gatherings, it is acceptable or common, I encourage you to not sink to that level of toxic manipulation, if you can really help it.

Depending on the subject of your subject, you may steer the conversation into a more entertaining perspective or topic that’s good for both of you.

In the worst case, though, you can always go outside for a quick run or walk and refresh your mind.

Edit: if it is just straight up abuse, which your description does not lead me to believe, but other comments presume, I do encourage you to treat it as the conflict that it is, appropriately.

Don’t invite them? If you know what’s going to happen, and you don’t like it, avoid it.

What happens if you actually leave the conversation?

If you engage even one out of ten times, you’re reinforcing it. You can redirect the conversation. Talk to another person, change the subject, completely disengage with them on that specific topic.

You can set expectations privately going in. Set the boundaries. Reiterate them gently but firmly in a general manner. Polite and businesslike when the forbidden topic comes up, cheerful and interested when any other topic comes up. Again, never directly engaging with the forbidden topic.

All this assumes you still want to get along with this person.

Develop an extreme interest in whatever sport is playing and say you have to watch it intently. Alternatively get a friend to ring with afake emergency

I’ve been working inpatient psychiatry for almost a decade now and here’s how we talk people out of delusions…

…you don’t. Confronting the delusion directly helps their brain practice protecting the false belief system and strengthens the neural links / pathways. It’s like the ruts made by a wagon wheel, the more the wagon travels the path the deeper they get. You can try and haul the wagon up out of the ruts onto a different part of the road using brute strength but 10 seconds later it’s gonna fall back in and you’ll exhaust yourself trying to wear a new track so close to the old one. You’re much better served just sending the wagon somewhere else entirely and waiting for the ruts to erode on their own (this metaphor also maps well to addictive / difficult to discontinue behaviors; it’s often easier to disengage from the entire constellation of behaviors and stimuli around the habit, including things like people and places, than it is to just stop the habit itself).

So if you really do love this person and want to bring them out of it, do your best to send the wagon somewhere else. Just glaze over for a second while they rant, then change the subject and engage fully with something reality based you can create a connection with. Try to connect over knitting or gardening or woodworking or music or old movies or sports or whatever other hobby or social activity / discussion you can use to connect with them over that’s reality based.

That’s how COVID sucked them into all this. It broke up the knitting groups and gardening clubs and cooking classes and all anybody had left to socialize with was Facebook conspiracies. If we want out, we need to focus on rebuilding those communities.

why do you want those people in your life even if they are relatives?

If they can’t take a “sorry uncle Bob, but I disagree with everything you think of X. Why don’t we just avoid this and enjoy dinner”, then they are too emotionally immature/toxic to have in your life

I broke contact with my family over twenty years ago. I learned that blood doesn’t make family, good relationships do.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=to5qRLRSS7g

Maybe search for ways to converse in healthier ways with people with BPD?

Over 20 years ago I cut that sort of shit out of my life . I stopped wasting my holiday’s on my worthless idiotic shit family.

Cut that shit out of your life.

Just turn on FOX News for him. He’ll zone out on it as usual and leave everyone else alone.

Hair that covers ears and an earbud

Provide no opinions. Pretend like you know nothing about politics. Ask questions. They will argue themselves into a corner, get embarrassed, and then stop talking about it. It requires little effort from you, and they do all the work.

I am thankful I do not have such relative.

And if I did, to the discard bin.