from TinyLittlePuni@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world on 20 Aug 18:58
https://lemmy.world/post/34740082
My brother’s a few years younger than me and I’m his older sister. It was pretty recently I got better from a decade long illness that put me into a semi conscious and half bedbound state. I have almost no memory of that decade and now I’m adjusting. I had spent a whole year getting used to being able to eat properly again. When I was ill my classmates who I was friends with moved cities and kinda moved on so I’m back to square one and feel a bit lost. My brother and his friends are members of the same subculture I’m in.
I have 2 close friends but they’re American and it’s online, nothing in person. So I’m single and only have 2 friends who are American and who I speak to over Discord. Recently I finished therapy and the therapist told me that friendships are important. Sometimes my brother goes out with his friends (don’t know how many of them are girls but I don’t mind either way, I’m a tomboy and get along slightly better with guys) and I was wondering if it’d be weird to want to want to tag along sometimes as a start?
#nostupidquestions
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depends on your relationship with your brother.
It’s good, we’ve never had any fights and live together. Not too long ago he wrote something and I was mentioned in it, he’s just the type who is cold outwardly.
Sounds reasonable from what you’ve said. What’s your relationship like with your brother? That’s probably the biggest factor.
Relationship is good and we live together. He likes putting his true feelings about people into writing rather than outwardly saying it. He’s got a cold exterior if that makes sense?
You can ask him, just try to not put a bunch of pressure on him for it. Explain where you’re coming from and how you feel.
The only thing I can think that would make it weird is how many years difference and which years.
13 & 17 would be weird
but 23 & 27 wouldn’t be
Not saying my exact age but we’re all well into adulthood
Definitely not weird then. Sounds like you get along and have similar interests. If anything it’s weird he hasn’t invited you.
Her brother is entitled to preferring to spend time with his friends without his sister. I wouldn’t say it’s weird he hasn’t asked her to join.
Ya, go.
He should be honoured that you wanna hang, and same with his friends.
The best recommendations are word-of-mouth and face-to-face, so get rocking!
If I were him I would absolutely love to take you out and share friends with you. He loves you.
If you have a good relationship with your brother, there is no problem.
Surely, he will understand, maybe even without directly telling him your motives.
Wishing you all the best and many great memories. Life throws them your way when you let it happen.
I don’t think it’s weird, but your whole situation is pretty unusual, so I wouldn’t let “weird” become an obstacle for you. Some things are going to be weird no matter what you do, so just roll with it. You’ve said you and your brother have a good relationship, so why not just explain to him what’s going on with you and ask if he could include you at least sometimes? Not too much to lose by talking about it.
It sounds like a lot for you to deal with. I hope you’re doing better now and can find your way back to a life you feel satisfied with.
Not weird at all! The fact that you both live together is even a bonus - you effectively halve the taxi fare on the way home :)
You’ve got nothing to lose by asking, and everything to gain. The absolute worst that can happen is that he says ‘no’ - but from what you’ve written it sounds likely he’d say ‘yes’.
I don’t think it’d be weird at all!
As the younger brother in my family, I would feel so weird if my older brother followed me if I was hanging out with my peers.
What’s the age like? 30 hanging out with 25 year olds is very different from 20 year olds hanging out with 15 year olds. The older it gets, the less weird it gets (just as with romance, its similar with friendships).
Also, if there’s even a tiny problem with your relationship with your brother, thing will get very awkward.
I know I’m against the grain here, but its just my honest opinion.
(P.S. I’m not exactly on speaking terms with my abusive older brother)
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this opinion and it entirely depends on their individual relationship. I would just warn to be conscious of boundaries and to not pressure the brother too hard on the subject. My concern would be OP shifting the burden of building a social life onto little brother as if his duty.
I’ll be dead honest, you have a kinda unique situation but I think the advice would be the same either way. You should ask especially since you had that illness and you gotta start somewhere plus if you have a solid relationship with him then it’ll make it even better! Its certainly a unique situation where there’s many approaches you could take but it all boils down to simply asking but also maybe give him the option to say no and hold no bad blood because it can be awkward amongst family members sometimes. If he says no it may not be personal maybe he likes the already established relationship balance you guys have.
Happy to see you building your strength in all aspects of your life! Keep going pushing on!
it's not weird but it's also not weird if he isn't into it. amongst my own friend group there's some with siblings or cousins who come along to the pub etc but there's also others who keep their friends compartmentalised, who keep in touch with school friends, work friends, family members, whatever groups entirely seperately
so ask, you have nothing to lose, but don't take it personally if he doesn't like the idea
Oh children… I don’t miss it.
People are people. If you want to join them, ask. If they say no, move on and ask someone else.
If you are concerned, you could start by inviting him and his friends to something first.
Not weird to ask. Just don’t invite yourself without asking. That might be a little weird.
I would find that pretty awkward.
Hell yeah, I’m always down to hang out with my sister (I’m older but whatever, you said you’re adults so who was born first is kind of irrelevant). I hope you go and you guys have a blast!
If yall share political beliefs yep, I wouldnt hangout with my sister since she went all republican outrage machine, or make my friends be around her
Sounds normal HOWEVER don’t sleep with his close friends. Things go terribly bad after breakups. My sister has nuked 3 of my friend groups after pulling her shit. Lost friends of over 20 years.